I am looking at our cable tv bill and there under the category of "Movies Watched" is an extra charge of $111.00. I like to watch the occasional movie; but I am sure I didn't watch THAT many this month. I figure, maybe my husband watched some movies. My eyes scan the category to read the titles. I am assuming the listing will contain the usual "blood and gore" kind of movies that my husband likes to watch.
"What the heck!" I shout again, to the empty room.
Big Breasted Euro Babes
Buxxom Belgium Blondes..you get the drift.
Eleven adult movies at the low, low price of $10 per showing for a grand total of $111.00!
So of course, I immediately suspect my husband and wait patiently for him to come home from work.
"Is there a new hobby you want to tell me about?" I ask and hand him the cable bill.
"One hundred and eleven dollars!" he shouts.
"Wait a minute," he says, "Look at the times." And sure enough, each of the eleven movies have been watched at 3:45 pm........right after school.
My husband and I gasp together and say in unison........
"We haven't even had "the talk" yet!" My husband says.
"He hasn't even had Health in school yet!" I add.
We close our eyes and shake our heads in unison as we realize... we will never be in the running for Best Parents of the Year Award. And if by some miracle, we ever WERE considered, this little event most certainly blew our shot at the title.
"You want to talk to him?" my husband asks.
"Oh brother," I say, "I think this one is probably better for you."
"OK." hubby says, "I'll talk to him, you call the cable company and see if they will give us a credit."
"OK." I said. Then thought about what I would say to the lucky person on the other end of the phone. I thought it may go something like this.......
"Yes, hello, this is Mrs. Smith, we have 11 adult movies on our cable bill. We knew nothing about the whereabouts of our son when he was in the upstairs bedroom watching them."
"What is your address Mrs Smith? We would like to send social services out to visit you."
I shake off the vision and decide to try it anyway.......
"Hello, this is Comcast" a nice young lady answers. I am thankfully relieved that it is not a grandmotherly type, because I would have immediately hung up the phone.
"Could I have your address please?"
Oh no, I think, social services already?????? I tentatively give her my address.
"OK, how may I help you?"
"I ah, uhm, errrrrrrrrrr." I stutter.
The woman, sensing my hesitation takes immediate control.
"Lets' see, is this a billing problem?"
"Yes." I answer sheepishly.
"OK, let me look at last months bill." She continues.
"Oh my," she says......
OK this is where she calls the state I think......
"Quite a few adult movies.......hmmmmm all at 3:45 pm."
I am amazed at her perceptiveness, since I obviously lack it.
"I am thinking you have a young teenager in the house."
"How did you know that?" I ask. Where did this woman go to school, Harry Houdini University, I think to myself.
"Happens all the time." she says, "I would be happy to give you a one-time credit," she says. "It doesn't look like he watched much of the movies," she says "since most of them were only for 4 or 5 minutes. But I do suggest you initiate the parental controls. And don't worry" she says, "I have children too."
"Oh thank you!" I say, blowing out the painful breath I had been holding for the entire phone call.
"Is there anything else I can help you with?" she asks.
"Yeah," I said, "Are you available for consulting services in giving "the talk."
She laughed and said, "It may be a little too late for that!!!!"