I have a place in my mind that I go to......
Where there is no noise.
It is quiet.
No voices from doctors requesting more tests.
No voices from the indifferent with words that hurt.
It is a place that is sunny and warm, a place where my children can run and play happily together.
In my mind they are laughing, free from the crippling effects of their disease.
Nicholas is healthy and strong. He is muscular and slim, no longer plagued by constant hunger. He is running and jumping while he throws a baseball up into the air and catches it with ease.
Weston is calm and relaxed. He is lying in the fragrant grass on the banks of a lazy stream where he is resting and reading a book.
My garden is filled with healthy green bushes whose buds burst with blossoms of colorful flowers, red, orange and yellow.
The air is filled with their perfume.
There is a narrow dirt pathway that winds through my garden. It is a path only I can follow. Along the path are benches. There is one placed under the shade of a sturdy oak tree that sways gently by the breath of warm summer breezes.
There is another bench perched on the shore of a sparkling blue ocean. The waves crash onto the shore in rhythmic pattern, slowing the pace of my racing heart.
In my secret garden my mind is released from the day-to-day routine of tracking doctor appointments and managing medications. There is no need for worry. The health of my children is assured. My family is safe.
My secret pathway leads to a small stone cottage with a garden by its side. In the garden, my father, now back to life, lifts a brilliant red tomato the size of a softball. He smiles and waves to me.
Inside the stone cottage, my mother awaits, her vibrant spirit revived, her mind brilliant and clear, freed from the ravaging effects of dementia. We sit at the wooden kitchen table to sip coffee while we hold hands, talking and laughing together.
This is my secret garden, my sanctuary.
It is the place in my mind that I go to when I am fatigued by the incessant stress that accompanies the role of raising children with special needs.
It is a place where my body is no longer tense.
My mind is free from worry.
There are no obligations or appointments.
No thoughtless words from others.
There is only love and peace
I am reborn, my soul is restored, my heart mended, my mind clear.
It is a place where I find my lost inner strength, my precious healing magic energy that helps me to endure.
It is a place in my mind that I go to.........to find myself.