Our Journey Raising Two Children with Special Needs

This blog chronicles our life raising two children, Nicholas 15, diagnosed with Prader-Willi Syndrome and Weston 18, diagnosed with Autism/Asperger's/ADHD. It's the ups, the downs, the joys, the sorrows and most importantly, the beauty of living a life less perfect, a life more meaningful.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Mother's Block

Did you know that all mothers possess a type of superpower?

It's called "Mother's Block"

This is a secret power that lies dormant and inactive within all of us. It arises only during times when we feel overwhelmingly fearful for the health or safety of our child.

For some mothers, it may arise when their children learn to drive. For others, it may occur when their children go off to school, or become legally able to drink.

But for mothers of children with special needs, this blocking superpower tends to get stuck in overdrive.

It frequently occurs during the unending onslaught of procedures, tests and surgery that comes with the territory of raising medically complex children.

What is blocking, you ask?

It is the ability to subdue the fearful thoughts associated with upcoming medical events. It is an initiation of a type of impermeable filter that blocks any unwanted negative thoughts or feelings, enabling a mother to bravely withstand painful or fearful moments with their child.

It is a mask of "imitation courage" that is worn to provide comfort to your child while simultaneously hiding the panic-stricken fear that resides just beneath the surface of your bleeding heart.

I am calling on this power today to help me through the days events.

This calling of the power, however, is draining. It is as if I am Super Mario and only able to activate this power for short bursts of time and only long enough to get past a particularly difficult aspect of the game.

After using the power, I feel drained and vulnerable.

This weekend, I struggled to keep my mind from Nick's MRI and possible upcoming surgery. In true Lisa fashion, my clean house-ivity mode went into overdrive. For me, cleaning is a type of therapy. It hypnotizes me. As I clean, my body is moving. I am centered and busy, unable to loose myself in thoughts of self pity or fear.

It is a diversion however, and not truly a sense of peace or acceptance.

Nicholas on the other hand, awoke today as his usual happy self completely unaffected by today's upcoming events.

His superpower seems to be an invisible circle of acceptance that protects him from negative energy all day, every day, it is like a shining spiritual shield.

Taoist philosophers say that nature itself is amoral; it cares nothing for individuals. Illness, death, and misfortune are all inevitable aspects of human life.

While we cannot control these events, we can control our reaction to them.

Can we meet these difficulties with an attitude of acceptance? Can we endure them with a positive spirit that seeks to learn and love?

I am meeting my challenges with diversions and cleaning.

Nicholas meets his difficulty with acceptance and love, always love.

Once again, my son has become my teacher.

p.s. I believe fathers also have this unique blocking ability; but since I am not a man, I cannot be sure.


Elizabeth said...

You've explained things beautifully and perfectly. My thoughts are with you today -- strong thoughts of love and support and camaraderie and courage and persistence and strength.

Giulia said...

How did the MRI go ?

Lisa said...

Oh Elizabeth, you are so very dear to me!

Lisa said...

Thank you Giulia for your concern. It took me a while to write an update. Still waiting for results.

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